Breaking Free To Be Who God Has Called Me To Be: A Journey To Healing

While in prayer, I began to do some self-reflection about the person that I am today.  You know how that goes…there are some characteristics about “ME” that I don’t like and wanted to know how they developed.  Over time, God began to unveil some seeds that were planted in my past that were not dealt with. These seeds of low self-esteem, insecurities, unforgiveness, rejection (whether self-imposed or not) took root and developed into larger issues that at times (in the present) distorted my vision; my thoughts about “ME.” 

My self-reflection also takes me back to thoughts about my outward appearance.  As young children, especially in our adolescent years, we tend to compare ourselves with others; wanting to fit in and to be liked by everyone.  Do you remember how we had to have the latest fashion, and wanting to be accepted by the “popular” kids?  Well, I had a problem accepting my “puggy” nose, sort of round, flat face and so on.  But it becomes a problem when we carry these insecurities into our adulthood. Even as an adult, when I began my natural hair journey, it was difficult for me accept and see the beauty in my kinky coils because of the so-called “society-norms” of today, especially in the marketplace.  
But through the reading of God’s Word, our minds are renewed.  In Romans 12:2 it reads, “do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.  Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is – His good, pleasing and perfect will.” Renew your thinking by reading God’s Word, and watch your vision become clearer.

When God begins the process of allowing you to see the “woman” in the mirror, it’s not all pretty. But when He shows you the areas in your life that need work, don’t just turn away, allow Him to reveal them, and let the healing begin.  What gives me solace is that He doesn’t see us where we are today (imperfect), but what we are going to be (perfected). 

With that said, I would like to share a very intimate poetry piece that was birthed on my healing journey.  Healing from low self-esteem, healing from the opinions of others, healing from the spirit of rejection, healing from unforgiveness (forgiving myself and others).  Let me make this clear, sharing this through my writing is just the beginning of my journey to healing, but I’m willing to go.  Are you ready to face the woman in the mirror?

My prayer is that after you read it, it will help YOU to Break Free to be who God has called YOU to be.  Know this, everything that He created was “good.”  Psalms 139:14 says, I will praise you; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvelous are your works; and that my soul knows right well.”  From your beautiful CROWN to the soles of your feet, YOU WERE FEARFULLY AND WONDERFULLY MADE!  Instead of being concerned about what others say about me, I am more concerned about "who does God say I am?

As you read, I pray that God will minister to your heart, I decree that chains from your past, chains from detorted thinking, will no longer hold you captive.  I decree that you will be free...FREE TO BE WHO GOD HAS CALLED YOU TO BE.
Breaking Free to be Who God has Called ME to be: A journey to healing©

As I sit here I am holding back the tears; tears from brokenness over the years.
Broken from perceptions, broken by the words, fears, past and present days.  A spirit of rejection resonates.

History of generational, relational, inherited pains. Pain that has left me limping, pains that remain…from my beginnings.

But you oh Lord, my Savior, your body was broken for me.  SATAN, YOU MUST FLEE.  Jehovah-Rapha, You are my God who heals thee.

Oh Lord, mend, heal the broken pieces of my heart, of my mind.  Broken from the pain that I’ve allowed to rule and control me. Ohhh Lord…I’m burden down. I hear you Lord calling me to your presence, saying “Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.”  Rest my child, don’t you cry.  Wipe the tears from your eyes.

Am I there yet? No I haven’t arrived. But I’m on this journey, determined to thrive.
Determined to win this battle in my mind that comes and collides.  Colliding, in constant battle with the Word.  Trying to pull me down into that pit…I’m fighting with every hit.

From the fiery darts that try to block me, but I have the shield of faith to protect me.
I’ll never forget that feeling…Feeling of loneliness, being misunderstood.  To talk about it…”Ohhhh that doesn’t do any good.”  I’m standing on His Word, with hands lifted to the sky, with the Lord my banner, I will defeat my enemy, praying to my God…Jehovah-Nissi.

You’d say, “they wouldn’t understand how I feel,” ohhh but I know someone that will.
This battle I’m in…a battle of depression; of disparity; this spirit of rejection SHALL NOT RULE OVER ME.

God is breaking every chain that had you bound…Can’t you hear the sound…A sound of victory…I’m free to be me…fearfully and wonderfully made…ME

I hear it Lord, the breaking of the bondage chains, freeing me from the slavery of my mind and replacing them with Your Word…words of life; removing the strife.

I AM NOT afraid to be who You have made me: a strong woman with hopes and dreams, with needs, vulnerabilities yet strong, confident and determined.

I make my declaration today, I am all that YOU SAY that I am.  I am FREE TO BE ME.


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